


Hot Space! Let's Go!

by DietS0daS0ciety



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Space, Crack, M/M, This is pure crack, i dont even know, i ran out of characters in the note so its going on the internet, its not tentacle porn but the aliens have tentacles, like genuinely i have been writing this for months, like pure garbage, not that you could ever but dont take it seriously, this is my cure for writers block
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DietS0daS0ciety/pseuds/DietS0daS0ciety
Summary: in which brian may is a sailor from the planet neptune (a planet on which they have nothing but diamonds for sand and beautiful blue air for seas) and he gets kidnapped by alien piratesCRACK pure, pure crack fic





	1. okay, chapter one,

**Author's Note:**

> groovy

brian may the sailor man was in his sail boat sailing across the water that wasn't actually water because he was not on earth, but on neptune. he was born on earth, but tragedy befell his parents and they sold him to a space crew at the age of 3 and a half, so he could sweep the deck of the space ship, thye landed on neptune at some point and then brian became a sailor dont ask me about what happened to the rest of the crew maybe brian ate them okay whatever doesnt matter.


	2. chapter 2: i dont remember what happend in chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bear in mind the way this was written was in a haze at midnight, a chapter a night, so take from that what you will

brian sailor may awakens in a cave, his boat is nowhere to be seen, but then! he comes face to face with two dude aliens and theyre like 'hi we're two dude aliens and also we're hot' and brian is like, 'eh, maybe but id probably only give the blonde one like a 7 out of 10' and the blonde one cries but only on the inside because crying for him would just be pissing because hes an alien and they have different biologies, the other, prettier alien is like 'oh sweet' and high fives brian before realising that they brought him to the cave for a reaosn 'we brought you here for a reason' he says and brian is like 'oh shit yeah i assumed so' and then they begin to tell him the reason...... To Be Continued


	3. THIRD

whilst roger cried, the other alien introduced himself 'hey im freddie' and brian was like 'oh sweet thats a pretty human name i was expecting something stranger' and freddie slapped him for being xenophobic, 'on this planet' freddie declared, 'YOU are the alien, and ur very rude' brian was shocked 'IM rude??? you fucking kidnapped me and still havent told me why' freddie was like, yeah i guess, and then decided to explain to brian that they wanted his hair to make stuff with because it looked Fabulous. brian complained 'where is my boat' because theyhad moved his boat as he realised he was no longer in it. roger had stopped crying and slapped brian across the face and called him a bitch, this somewhat aroused brian but he aint nasty so kept that to his damn self  
suddenly, just as things were about to take a turn for the worst (fred and roger removing brians beautiful hair to use as materials) there was a crashing elsewhere in the cave......


	4. cave cave cave cave cave

there was a crashing elsewhere in the Cave,,,, and they looked over and a gorgeous man-ish thing i havent decided what kind of alien deaky is yet but roll with it, anyway a beautiful Thing with swooshing brown hair and really really sexy like, thigh high brown platform boots, alien freddie took some time out of being shocked to make a mental note to ask the beautiful man where he got them from. the creature swooshed in like a pirate on a rope and it was Fucking amazing. he used the sexy boots to kick the two villians somewhere on their bodies, be imaginative, and began to untie brian. 'what are you' he asked, mesmerised by the Being. he could only reply with a blush and spoke softly than any of them could imagine 'im a bassist', brian misheard and thought he said something else so was a bit 'eh' about letting him help, but he really wanted to keep his hair and the man was very pretty, so they began their escape through the cave system. freddie and roger were a bit mad that this dude had just kicked them with some nice boots, so began to chase the pair out of the cave  
TO BE CONTINUED


	5. Thing

Human brian may and Thing john deacon began to escape the cave, but the cave was Big and Long ;) and they got lost a bit. brian tried to explain to his new friend that he needed to find his boat bc that is where all of his shit is, and deaky was like, cool yeah it'll be somewhere. anyway so these losers are doing a shit job at escaping and so the Evil Aliens are starting to catch up and then they do and then the Bros are like 'shit babe we're gonna have to split up because we're idiots and idiots in movies always split up' so they split up to try and evade capture but it obviously doesn't fucking work. freddie finds Brian who is cut off by a dead end in the caves and like, one punch knocks him out. i want to explain that freddie has tentacles bc he's an alien but i don't know how to fit it in, but anyway roger and freddie have tenticles. So brian is knocked out and freddie is like, okay ill deal with that later and goes to find if his Mate roger has done a similar thing with the other dude


	6. i think i might be addicted to hitting the woah but thats a personal problem

okay so across the hall from where brian had been one punch KOed by fredward, roger was tracking down mr john richard deacon to do a similar thing to probably. Except, when he finally had the man cornered (because it was easy to corner him because both john and brian are fucking idiots who let themselves get caught in dead ends) he decided to take a different approach bc those thigh high brown platform boots did WONDERS for his ass.  
"hey i think ur wel fit" said roger and john was like "bitch u have tentacles im not going for that" and then roger was like "bitch UR the weird one u DONT have tentacles but its okay i can dig it" and john was like "eh" bc this is post WWII and tentacle pron exists so hes like i could probably go for that but then he remembered brian and was like "hey but ur evil" and roger just like,,,,,,,, winked


	7. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is my favourite :)

[unspecified graphic sex scene]


	8. eightgshthgh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty sure i was tipsy when i wrote this one

after having tentacle sex (fuck you gabby) roger an john were like oh sick were like, in cahoots now (sexy cahoots) and roger let John go anf was like go find brian and get him back and john was like i will do that bc if i bring him back you'll do that thing with ur tentacle again that was real good. So John leave s and freddie finds Roger alone and he's like 'hey what happened to they other dude' and Roger is l'île, 100% awate that he smells like sex and his hair is messy and his tentacles are Limp so he's l'île 'dont worry babe it's all good' and freddies like, well i just left brian to die so we're probably good here and roger slaps freddie and says 'you bitch we need his hair' and freddie is like 'hey babe i know but he doesn't have his boat anymore so he's trapped here and i knocked him out and is the hair rlly that importanr' and roger tucks his dick back into his jeans and itls like 'listen bitch we didn't kidnap him for banter so at least i have one competent team member and he's fit as hell' and freddie is like What and then roger ties him to a rock and leaves him to go back to their evil lair


	9. woah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was legitimately off my face on fancy vodka and couldn't form proper words never mind finish this chapter properly

my brain is all mushy lets do this  
so brian is justv coming to and john shows up like 'hey baby u got real fuckt up but i got u' and johnny was like a lil different to how brian roemembered hum but also brian was concuseed so he didnt really think abt it. so like, john is gay and like, oh fuck i dont have a plot. so brian is awake but concuseed and john is secretly evil, but hes like 'brian i found the way out' and brians like,, fitt, so follows john to his certain death and john is legit just thinking with his dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i had big time rush open in a second tab


	10. okay so umb, CHAPTER 10???? IM GUESSING?????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i didnt read chapter 9 before i wrote this

so what happened was roger and john had shagged and john was now evil, thats what you missed on glee, and they had a plan to re-kidnap brian and bring him back to the place but thye had forgotten! freddie! and freddie was now like 'hey lads im excited we have a new recruit' but john and roger were too busy up each others dickholes to notice him. so like, they were a three way team now except on of the ways was being left out a bit so he snuck out the back door ;) whilst the other two were plotting. Okya so freddie goes back to where brian is unconcious and hes like 'listn its only fun being evil when its banter with ya mates and my mate's got a bird now and you know how it is when ya mate gets a bird, he goes off grid and doesnt wanny play dnd with ye' and brians like 'what the fuck is up with ye accent im supposed to be the sailor here' and freddie says 'listen you curly haired bastard, i have decided to defect to your team and help you because im lonelyplease understand this also i will never show this sort of vulnerability again' and brians like 'sick one just dont try it on with me tho bc am not geh' and freddies like, im way out of your league anwyay


	11. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> realised that none of this Adds Up so im filling in the plot holes

Right so i know I said in chapter 8 freddie was tied to a rock, but the toed werent very secure because they dont have brians hair yet, so the tying was purely symbolic and freddie was good to leave whenever he wanted. also i said that john went and found brian yeah i have no explanation for this just roll with the punches kiddos assume nothing, dont trust your government, be gay, do crimes


	12. OKAY CHAPTER 12 TIME COWARDS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im listening to the smiths right now

brian may the sailor wasnt too happy about his new travelling companion, sexy freddie, but this was only because hed been alone for so long, and didnt remember what it was like to have a conversation. freddie asked brian things about himself but brian was like 'im NOT gay' and freddie was like 'BITCH i only asked you if you like READING' and brian was like, idk asking me about myself an not saying no homo????? not about that life, so freddie was p pissed about the fact this was supposed to be his new bro. so back in the main bit of the cave roger and john were like 'we are evil and also sexy ahaha' and then they were like 'hey freddie come and be evil and also sexy with us' but freddie was nowhere to be seen!!!! oh no!!!!! upon realising this roger and john both held each other and looked to the camera and yelled 'HE'S GONE!' because i have watched one too many episodes of the monkees. okay so roger and john literally dont have a braincell between them so they didnt know what happened to freddie but they decided to draw up a diagram or whatever of what could have ahppened, and then they discovered that he must have gone to look for brian on his own! and wherther it was for or against the cause of killing hinm for his poodle hair, this wasnt a good thing, so they gathered their artillary and went to find them


	13. 13?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks for getting to this point i still dont know why im doing this but its been months and im not a quitter

God fukc okay, I genuinely don't have a plot from this point, but Roger and deaky sexy and evil, and they begin to move through that caves together, like dinosaurs a hunting a goat, as it so goas like in jurassic park stan Tim Murphy my son also Laura dern is so fit lmao anyway to theyre hunting their prey, Brian, but they still don't know where freddie got to 'probably passed out' they say bc fuck I mena where else could he go  
On the other side of the cave, Brian just wants his ship back, fun fact i got a tattoo this week and it's a boat and it's how i imagine neptune sailor brian mays boat to be. So they're looking for brian, but brian is being lead by freddie to where his boat is, and the caves are twisty and a bit damp and gross if we're being honest, but brian doesn't care because he knows it's a means to an end to find his boat, they turn another corner and freddie squeals with excitement 'it's just on the left!!!' and they turn only to find.... Dun dun dun ......

à woman who eats cats!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was sponsored by pitchers from spoons


End file.
